ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
