We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
