Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
