my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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