but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
