I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
