U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize