I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
