my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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