I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
