I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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