i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
