I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
