Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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