Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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