I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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