They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
