My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
