How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
