I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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