I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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