he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
