remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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