After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
