Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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