I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
