I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
