SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
