i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
