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The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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