That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize