Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You made out with two different species that night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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