I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
