there's paper in my vomit.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
