Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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