the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
