Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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