Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
