So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize