you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
