did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
