Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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