I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
