Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
