As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize