Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
