Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
