mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
