Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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