Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
