remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize