Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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