I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
