If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
