i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
why do cheetos always look like penises
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
