P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
