I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
