covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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