cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
