K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
