Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Shame is for Republicans.
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