saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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