i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
