There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
