How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
