Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
