yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize