You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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