I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
