Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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