I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
