I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
