I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize