i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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