I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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