I smell stomach acid.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
