plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
