brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
