And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
