So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
