Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
