so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
