So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
