is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
