Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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