hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
