he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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