I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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