maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
