hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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