i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you would pick up someone in the library
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
