garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
