I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
