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i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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