Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
