Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
